Today I made a huge discovery… I’m not consistent with creating certain things because I’m expecting too much. I’ve been expecting each idea to be that “big idea” that is THE ONE that brings all of my hearts desires. So guess what? Instead of tackling new art series and creative ideas, I’ve been immobilized by fear and anticipation. I’m realizing that I’m putting way too much pressure on myself and my creations. It’s going to be multiple steps that create the impact I desire. Not just one.
Here’s a journal entry from the other day. It turned out to be poetic, but that was completely unintentional 🙂
I hang around different people for different reasons.
They come around for different seasons.
They nourish my different energies.
Journal Entry: June 29, 2018
Earlier I was thanking God for my vision. Believing in him for my vision. Deciding to commit to it. Cause I can’t see anything else. I mean, I can, but I know what’s in my heart. And I have to allow it to happen. I have a target, and I’m believing in the universe to help me bring it to life. A question I could start asking (in order to expand the possibilities) is “What can I do/learn to create a foundation/ connections for what I want? Ex: can being an architect feed into my vision? Is there a more efficient option?
My future can’t be just about me. What is it that I want to do for people? How will my vision affect them? I want them to be happier. Able to think through their lives more strategically and organically. Trusting their instincts. Able to go after what they want. Confident in who they are. Lifted out of their darkness. I really want to help people on the inside. I have many natural talents to help me do this. I HAVE to use my art and my voice to the utmost potential.
I keep hearing a voice saying that my vision is small and limited, that there must be something larger; greater. But I don’t have to listen to it. Usually I would. I’d feel like I’m going the wrong way. Like I’m leaving something out. Like there must be something wrong with what I’m going after. But now, for the first time, I’m seeing that it’s just a voice. It’s not the truth. It’s doubt and disbelief in my purpose. I know what I want, and I’m no longer acting like I don’t. And I can’t let peoples disbelief dissuade me, or let them take me out of it.
This entry came from a very pivotal point in my life. I had just arrived to Italy for a month long study abroad, and I was preparing myself for graduation. The question of my purpose and whether I could accomplish it was on the forefront of my mind. I was stuck. I didn’t know whether to stay committed to my God given vision, or to do what “made sense.” I could take the easy route of getting a job in my degree and making lots of money, or I could follow my heart and pursue my art… Well, today, four months later, I can proudly say that I followed my heart. I work in a public art studio, and the experience has been better than I imagined. Anyhow, I want to expand on some things from my entry and give you greater insight into who I am and what I do.MY VISION
Connect with the hearts of other people through visual art, music, dance, books, and public speaking. My talents will serve to promote the message of self-awareness and self-love. I know the reality of self-doubt, confusion, and fear, and I want to help others break free from their chains. By learning from my challenges and internal struggles, I have gained a greater sense of balance and inner peace. My inner strength and stability allows me to pursue my passion with courage and confidence. I desire to ignite that power within every person that needs empowerment.
What’s up guys! I’ve been completely off my blogging game, but I intend to create some level of consistency… maybe.
Life has been throwing me all kinds of curve balls, and I’m pretty surprised at how well I’ve handled them. I’ve encountered loss left and right, but I’m learning that loss doesn’t mean you’re losing. If you allow it to, loss can create space for much more joy in your life.